Monday, January 2, 2012

Regaining Confidence

I realized the other day: "Goodness! I've lost my confidence!" It came as a surprise to me. I'd been feeling down, low self-esteem and all, and then I realized, holy moly, I gained weight and now I feel like those 10 pounds are my failure.

Granted, this year has been hard. Two of my dear friends died this year.

I got sad. I started smoking again. I kept exercising but it was much less than before. Oh, and I became a omnivore again after 10 years of being vegetarian.

The good news: I've gotten less colds (yay). I've felt really strong (double yay). I go to yoga twice a week now (triple yay!). I quit smoking. (woo hoo!)

And yet, I also gained a size and a half, and it's like the world is ending. Am I incapable of practicing what I preach?

Perhaps it is a wake up call that what I preach--moving to feel good and eating to feel good moving--can be overshadowed by self-esteem issues. I guess the question is how do I make what I preach more powerful than self-esteem issues? I'm going to have to ponder on that one!

I swore I would never waste a second worrying about my weight or my size and here I am doing exactly that! It's because I'm thinking of working at a gym as a personal trainer. I'm supposed to be fit (and I am at some level) but I'm certainly not without fat.

Here it is then. I'm going to do it anyway. I guess that's all you can do about self-esteem. Just do it and ignore all that fear talk and say screw it to any doubters or nay-sayers (even if that naysayer is yourself).

Here's to day 1 of not listening to the nay-sayers.

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